Eve Sophia

I haven’t written in my Blog for over a year. Well…since my best friend/music bud died in 2022 I was so stressed out I ended up in physical therapy for a horribly tense back and pulled shoulder blade muscle. Just as I was recovering from both of these life moments, I had surprise back/spinal surgery on Labor Day 2023 at the famed Brigham’s Hospital in Boston. I spent 3 1/2 days there and was shipped to rehab for 2 weeks. Life happened so fast I felt like a bomb had dropped on me. Oy vey!

My esteemed surgeon is the director of neuro-spinal surgery at Brigham’s. I ended up having 33 days of radiation treatments due to a spinal tumor. My radiation oncologist is the warm and fuzzy doctor you can whine at, cry on his shoulder and just talk to. What a rock! I have to have MRIs and CT scans every three months so they can keep an eye on things. I’m pretty MRI fatigued right now.

And this brings me to my headline…Survival Throughout Life. Yes…that’s me. I had my first surgery at age 38…hysterectomy. So I couldn’t have children. Next surgery at 41…brain/head surgery. Doctor took out a benign tumor. I’m fine. Then 32 years later back/spinal surgery…remove a cancerous spinal tumor and put in some hardware to stabilize my spine. You’ve probably fainted by now reading this list of atrocities. Well…How am I still upright and doing ok? Because I am.

After every surgery, never once did I ever not expect to be myself again…back in the saddle after I recovered. I just assumed it would happen. Pure faith. Yes there were moments of depression especially after the knowledge that I couldn’t have children in this life…something most women look forward to. Then will my brain be ok going forward…not to mention growing my hair back after that surgery. I looked pretty cool in a buzz cut. Ha! And now, will my back be ok ad infinitum with its new hardware in place of the two degenerated discs the surgeon removed. What do you do with all of that?

You press on. Yes, you make yourself think and move forward. You will always have these memories but as long as I can look over my shoulder and see that world famous hospital Brigham’s, and that great surgeon of mine, all within driving distance of my home, I’m ok. I’ve got my security blanket in place.

And living healthy and as holistically as you can makes all the difference. Praying daily, doing constructive things, trying to be happy most of the time…it all works. And most of all, being annoyingly independent regarding your health. I can do it. You can do it. Make that decision to be as healthy and functional and positive as you can. Take charge. The expert medical people did their expert job but now you have to do yours.

I will get through the loss of music students, the finances which are less than perfect for now and my emotions. I will fix things again for myself. Life is up and down and well, one has to adjust to it and keep fixing it. Keep moving forward. Accept the crap and press on.

I hope for anyone who is reading this, if it gives you encouragement than this long post about Ev’s surgeries et al has done some good.

After the better part of 6 months in the hospital my best friend of 39 years, best musician friend and partner in crime, died. He had endured a pituitary adenoma, surgery and many complications after that. The hospital and doctors tried. But in the end, my friend Dr. Fred had the final say. He chose to not go on after one final and serious setback. He went downhill quickly. And now…it’s over. A lifetime of music, nuttiness, jokes, brilliance, and being connected like a musical marriage.

I am sad but I understand we all die. I’m a bit lost. Being a musician is a somewhat lonely occupation. We commiserate with other musicians, true, but we are our own business and we excel at our chosen instrument. We take the expert teachings of our master artist teachers and apply them in our own way. Being a musician is a very personal thing. And Dr. Fred was one of those brilliant masters that people were in awe of. We worked together well and could almost read each other’s minds. There was that connection you have pretty much only once in your life.

But we have to move on. Move forward and continue as musicians. Possibly take the energy your best friend gives you and incorporate it into our own personhood. Perhaps it helps us evolve even better as a musician in our own right. We give each other gifts when we are related or otherwise intimately connected. We may not realize it but it comes in the form of energy and confidence to move forward and excel even better. I do believe it’s part of that person’s spirit.

Nonetheless, we still hurt, feel somewhat lost, and wish for that connection to not be gone. Yes, sometimes life sucks big time. This is one of those times for me.

But we move one. Thank God we can’t go backwards in time. Experiencing this kind of personal loss is more than enough once. And we should be thankful we can feel hurt and lost and cry and be sad. It shows we care and our heads are on in the right direction. We all have to let ourselves be vulnerable in relationships. Yes it hurts when we lose someone to death but it’s better to have had that person in our lives than not.

And one more time…we survive and move on. More aware of the people we love and our relationships. Life is interesting indeed.

Holidays are an especially challenging time for a lot of us. Don’t get me wrong. I do have family and good friends but family lives in Illinois while I’m in Massachusetts. My good friends have their own families during the holidays. My best music friend is in Illinois right now as he moved from MA to IL for a major organ job. So holidays can be somewhat interesting. I have to be creative. Which I’m used to. And of course I am a survivor in this life.

This year that best friend of mine in IL was in the hospital. And he was supposed to be home by Christmas. A few other issues arose and he ended up having to stay over Christmas. So my mood was festive and yet guarded and a bit somber. I was in good humor on Christmas. Cooked a fine dinner complete with some of my favorite Polish dishes. Had a chance to have a video call with my friend in the hospital. Talked with family. It was good and I was glad to have the relaxation I wanted.

I did get some nice gifts from the family. Nice low-key but joyful Christmas. And then there are the heartfelt gifts I have prayed for a long time. The man/soulmate/love of my life. Eventually become a husband. I am hoping this gift was given to me finally this year and that I will run into him almost immediately. I am still wanting that partner in life. I also want to be financially independent and have been working on that plus more music teaching. And Avon and Makeup Artistry.

If you read this blog please pray with me…so my hopes and dreams come true. And that I will see the opportunities arise and jump on them to make them come true. And the man…yup! That’s still number one on my list.

Holidays bring our true selves out…unmasked. I hope that everyone reading this is trying to make their own dreams come true…whatever they are and however big they are. Go for it! I still am.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Ahhh yes…life. So. I had bought a Car Shield car warranty since my 8 year-old dealer warranty expired a few months ago. And it goes into effect 20 days after purchase. Great! Except 4 days after purchase my car alternator went. Oy vey. It couldn’t wait? So some more-than-I-wanted-to-pay-right-now-money later, all fixed. I went to my dealer and didn’t have an appointment but they said they’ll get it in. Can’t drive without an alternator/charging system. And they did it in two days…actually 1 1/2. They always take good care of me.

At the same time the temperature was oppressive at 90+ degrees and humid. Ugh. And a nice man from the Zoosk dating app contacted me. We started chatting. He seemed nice and wanted to keep talking. A few chats later we switched to email. We had a few nice, long emails trying to get to know each other…until I realized the emails from him were beginning to sound like he wasn’t reading the ones from me. Hmmm. Pretty soon his next email tells me what a big smile he has on his face when we’re talking on the phone. ???? He doesn’t have my phone number yet and we’ve never talked. So I gingerly bring it up in my next email and lo, he doesn’t return it. So…SCAM again! And this time it was not the usual “I love you” in record time. The scammers have upped their game! But…I figured it out anyway. So once again I am swearing off dating sites. So far I’ve paid a lot of monthly fees for scams and very few real men. And too many episodes of Dating-Scams-R-Us starts to erodes one’s trust in people, men especially, when on dating apps or even if someone just approaches you because they’re interested in you…in real life. Time to get out!

And on top of this stuff, it started to pour for 3 days thus making July 4 weekend the same or worse than Memorial Day weekend. It’s pretty depressing if you think about it. Finally stopped raining Sunday.

Lots of emotional stuff in one week if I do say so myself.

I tend to do Tarot readings etc. Numerology. And they say to be patient in all things and let the Divine Timing work. Don’t worry. Don’t get in your own way. Keep going toward your goals and the Timing should eventually kick in when it’s actually time to blossom. They also say to let go of things that don’t work for you. But sometimes feelings get in the way and it’s tough to just let stuff go that doesn’t work for you anymore even though you want to.

And as I’m writing this another scam comes in the form of a cousin of mine. Her FB account was hacked. That Federal Government “HCAB grant” where you pay money to get money, up to $100,000. Ha! There are so many scams out there it’s not funny!

Ahh yes…life. In the 21st Century. Good luck!

That’s me. A Survivor. I also fix things. What do I mean by this? I have become a professional musician and a professional makeup artist in this life. Both are personal achievement jobs where you use your talents to become your own business. I guess I’ve always been like this. I have to do what I AM as opposed to depending on somebody else’s workplace, although I’ve had to do that too in order to survive. Personal achievement jobs don’t always pay the mortgage. But I’ve always said you have to make a life for yourself no matter what.

I’ve been searching/praying to meet my lifelong partner my entire life. I’ve worked music jobs, jobs for other companies, I’ve done a lot of things alone…most things. I’ve had a couple of surgeries, been scared and upset, had to figure finances myself…something I’m not necessarily good at. I’ve been almost assaulted. I’ve built furniture I needed when I didn’t have the money to buy ready made at a fancy furniture store. But you have to make a life in spite of what you desire as your end game. You have to be happy. And that’s up to you to do that for yourself. If you are searching for love or for more accomplishments it doesn’t matter what your life is like at the present. You swallow hard and achieve. You make your own life.

And be proud of what you’ve done in your life. YOU did this. That’s part of your persona and your attractiveness to others, no matter if it’s a romantic relationship, work or just friends. Never put your own persona on hold or ignore it completely. You have to be who you are in this life.

This includes making your home a nice, comfy, happy place with your touch. Make a home for yourself. Live as a real person. Do inner work on your psyche. Work on problems that bother you and try to figure out how to fix them or learn to walk away from stuff that does you no good. Don’t put you on hold. Live your life. Chances are 100% that what you ultimately desire will make its appearance soon. Give it a home to come into.

So the moral of my tale here is that you have to make a life for yourself no matter what. I did and continue to do. And you’ll be glad you did. And you’ll feel better and shucks…be happier!

And that is what a Survivor is. Someone who fixes their lives and well, survives.

After about 6 years of rethinking the way I eat and now eating only healthy foods that are good for me personally and that I like, I finally started my own weight loss program to lose those 50 stubborn pounds I didn’t want in the first place.

I’ve studied Ayurveda, Eating for Your Blood Type, and the Mediterranean Diet since I belong to a Greek Church. I gave up some foods not deemed the best for my blood type, started thinking psychologically about weight which is what the Eastern medicine gurus like Deepak Chopra are all about, and then retired from my non-music jobs. When I took a couple of webinars and realized what type of body rhythm I have (afternoon/evening as opposed to morning person), I settled into drawing up a spreadsheet of all the foods I love and eat, which are healthy, and which meal is my favorite. After all, if you’re attempting bigger weight loss you need to eat what you like and are comfortable with, and not feel like you’re depriving yourself of everything you love, even some extreme foods. When you make the decision to cut back on something you like, then you are ok with it and don’t feel denied.

So I’ve been eating my diet which isn’t much of a real diet, and after 5 weeks I’m down 6 lbs. Wow! It IS working! And 1 to 2 lbs. per week is natural weight loss. And I am happy and I don’t feel denied and I’m looking forward to incorporating more fruits considering summer is upon us in a couple of weeks.

The moral of the story is, if you want something of this nature to happen to you, research it yourself and get to know yourself. How can you make this work? No one else can do it for you and with diets, you can’t eat food someone else tells you to eat. That doesn’t work.

And here I am again, with more personal interest stories for you to read and even follow. Why not? lf my blog can help someone else go for it!

So here I sit. Still single. I have spent literally a couple of thousand dollars on matchmaking services and online dating sites over the past several years. And I’m still single with no bites. Harrumph!

I think I’m done with the online stuff. Eharmony is by far the worst for me. Zoosk was much better as I did get some messages but it is just so frustrating. So I decided to basically quit that stuff since I think it works better for young people as opposed to older or senior citizens.

I’m educated, accomplished, a lifelong learner, nice person and nice looking, and funny. I think I’m a real catch for the right person. Maybe my unwillingness to sit still and settle is frustrating to a lot of older retired men. No wonder I look for someone younger with more energy. I have a young demeanor and mindset. My whole family does. Why be old when you can still be young? I personally think it’s attractive.

I know this is a rant but this is very frustrating for me. And I know there are many other people out there in the same situation. Why? Why is this one important piece of our lives the hardest to obtain?

Alas though. I press on. Hope and prayers spring eternal. And for anyone reading my blog thanks for putting up with my rants and sort-of-whining. It makes us better people for just laying it all on the table sometimes. Good thing it’s a sturdy table.