I have had therapy 3 times in my life. Why you ask? These moments came at times when I was making life changes. I started teaching voice at age 36. I saw a therapist for a few months to help me make that change to being an entrepreneur and having the confidence to do it…at least along with my regular job. Putting yourself out into the world as a professional anything, in this case musician, is scary at best! Even though I was running around performing a lot, I wasn’t out there presenting myself as the ultimate voice and piano teacher. You’re well qualified and a nice person but you need to sell yourself and your abilities. So I didn’t want any childhood trauma or negative/toxic thinking to get in the way of my self esteem and confidence.

Personal achievement careers are so dependent on your confidence in yourself to present the best you can be. That therapy session lasted a few months. I learned that I do count as an individual and to believe in myself much more. Sometimes it’s the basics you just need to focus on. Seems remedial but very often the simple things in life need to be reinforced. You’re not some strange alien walking around. You just need to be more aware of the real person you are and what you have to offer.

My next stint with therapy was about 18 years ago after I broke up with a man I had been seeing for 3 years. I honestly thought we would get married…finally. Well…he left. I didn’t know how to handle this breakup as I thought I was finally doing everything right in that relationship, except for the red flags I just brushed off. Ugh. I got so depressed I thought I needed to talk to someone. I did find a great therapist close by through my insurance. Once again she helped me concentrate on my own well being and accept that it’s another heartbreak, not the end of the world. I will survive and move on. All is not lost. She was right.

Now is the third time I am accepting the need for a few therapy sessions which are offered through one of the professional music organizations I belong to. We get a full month of free therapy as part of our membership. Since my recent emergency spinal surgery I have had some side effects of surgery, mood swings and other minor things which go away but are annoying. Your regular routine is interrupted for a few months during recovery, even your sleep. But what bothered me the most was the elusiveness of my wonderful, perfect neuro-spine surgeon. He’s one of the 150 best spine surgeons in the USA.

The 1 1/2 times I did see him was right before surgery and then 2 months later for an office follow-up visit. I understand this was an emergency surgery, hence no big introductions and pre-surgery planning etc. I just landed at the hospital and he appeared in pre-op. But there was no visit after surgery whilst I was still in the hospital, no big comprehensive discussion about what he did and what he found, which was a spinal tumor. My hospital stay was only 3 1/2 days. Corporate hospital in this day and age. Bumped to rehab for 2 weeks. No real communication about post-operative care, what to expect when I get home, what rehab was all about…a real hole in the surgical/hospital communication. Then when I was about to see him 2 weeks ago he left the hospital for an Executive Director of Neurosciences job elsewhere. Now you see why I call him elusive. All this time I felt what I call abandonment…like the people that mattered most to me during this surgery never really addressed it with me. Kind of like I didn’t matter. Although I did see a new spinal surgeon for that visit, another 5-star brilliant young man, very nice and personable, he’s not the one I wanted the original conversation with.

Not realizing this is what might be the real reason behind my bouts of anxiety and doomsday thinking, I turned to the therapist for the 5 free sessions offered by my music organization. And since talking to him about my thoughts and anxiety etc. during this recovery time, I realized all I wanted was someone to listen to me like I mattered. My issues weren’t terribly serious but seem to have been masking my real need to talk to my surgeon about me and my surgery. A real comprehensive discussion. It’s interesting how one issue can cause others which leads you to another solution that can end up solving the original issue. Huh.

My point with this article is if you feel off kilter emotionally or you are feeling more and more depressed etc. it’s okay to pursue therapy if you need a more in-depth approach from a professional. It’s not a black mark on your life. It’s taking control of you and fixing you so you can move forward, especially after a major issue in your life such as major surgery. Invest in yourself. You are your most important project in life. Never mind what anyone says, if you choose to tell them what you are doing. It’s for you and no one is going to do this for you. You have to take care of you.

Choose to care of yourself. I’ve taken the plunge 3 times in life. And each time it gave me the help I needed. Take care of you both inside and out, mentally, emotionally and physically. And then…eat pie. Either with whipped cream or ice cream. Pie can be part of your therapy as well. Haha!

You knew there would be a funny ending! Admit it!