After the better part of 6 months in the hospital my best friend of 39 years, best musician friend and partner in crime, died. He had endured a pituitary adenoma, surgery and many complications after that. The hospital and doctors tried. But in the end, my friend Dr. Fred had the final say. He chose to not go on after one final and serious setback. He went downhill quickly. And now…it’s over. A lifetime of music, nuttiness, jokes, brilliance, and being connected like a musical marriage.

I am sad but I understand we all die. I’m a bit lost. Being a musician is a somewhat lonely occupation. We commiserate with other musicians, true, but we are our own business and we excel at our chosen instrument. We take the expert teachings of our master artist teachers and apply them in our own way. Being a musician is a very personal thing. And Dr. Fred was one of those brilliant masters that people were in awe of. We worked together well and could almost read each other’s minds. There was that connection you have pretty much only once in your life.

But we have to move on. Move forward and continue as musicians. Possibly take the energy your best friend gives you and incorporate it into our own personhood. Perhaps it helps us evolve even better as a musician in our own right. We give each other gifts when we are related or otherwise intimately connected. We may not realize it but it comes in the form of energy and confidence to move forward and excel even better. I do believe it’s part of that person’s spirit.

Nonetheless, we still hurt, feel somewhat lost, and wish for that connection to not be gone. Yes, sometimes life sucks big time. This is one of those times for me.

But we move one. Thank God we can’t go backwards in time. Experiencing this kind of personal loss is more than enough once. And we should be thankful we can feel hurt and lost and cry and be sad. It shows we care and our heads are on in the right direction. We all have to let ourselves be vulnerable in relationships. Yes it hurts when we lose someone to death but it’s better to have had that person in our lives than not.

And one more time…we survive and move on. More aware of the people we love and our relationships. Life is interesting indeed.